Are You Being Heard?

Do You Feel People Are Not Listening to You?

Many of my clients work to find their voice. You may have heard someone trying to find her voice. They tend to vent a lot about not being taken seriously or feeling dismissed.

Often, my question is: “Have you shared how you feel with that person?” The answer is usually no. Then we start to work on finding the words to express what needs to be shared.

Finding your voice is a big part of learning to be your true self—being authentic.

What Does Finding Your Voice Mean?

Ask these four questions:

1. Do you struggle with the confidence s to express your wants and needs?

2. Do you think someone may respond with anger or that you may hurt his feelings?

3. Can you remain calm if someone disagrees with you or says something that feels like a put-down?

4. Can you deal with someone who is angry?

If any of these challenges or concerns gets in the way of sharing openly, chances are you may have some work to do in finding your voice.

A Few Practical Ideas About Being Heard

One of the best books on communication I found is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg. His book focuses on three areas:

Self-empathy – the deep and compassionate awareness of your inner experience
Empathy – your ability to listen to another person with deep compassion
Honest Self-expression – your ability to express yourself truthfully in a manner that can inspire compassion in others.

Here are a few of my additional encouragements:

Find a respectful, even structured way if necessary, to talk to each other on important issues you want to be heard on. Agree this process ahead of a conflict.
As you talk, paraphrase what the other one has said. Both parties will be assured you have heard what was said.
Agree on what issues must be worked out. Then take them one at a time.
Sit face to face. Stay calm.
Be willing to accept and acknowledge your part and your responsibility for the problem. It is that openness that keeps the communication moving.

One Last Important Suggestion:

If you want to find your voice and build confidence in your communication skills, take the four questions above and develop a pre-strategy on how to deal with them ahead of a situation coming up. Being prepared helps you stay calm and focused.