Are We Having Any Fun Yet?
The Seriousness Trap
Much is written about the importance of de-stressing, relaxing, and self-care. As a coach, I’ve discovered a lot of people get overly serious or get lost in solving childhood and young adult issues forgetting how important pleasure is. I was one of them.
My life didn’t start off so well. However, I finally start to come out of it because I was determined to have a better life, maybe even have some enjoyment. However, life turned out to be a lot more complex than I expected. I was stubborn though and became determined to learn life’s secrets—well, secret to me.
What I didn’t see was that my serious pursuit of answers totally interfered with any type of pleasure. It was hard, too, to see other people having fun. It felt uncomfortable because, as I now know, every part of me was fighting me to say, “Lighten up, Coralee. Do something entertaining or amusing.”
Some Avoidance Ways
The ways I avoided having pleasure were four-fold:
- Too busy with jobs, kids, and life.
- Didn’t really have a grasp of what fun was or how to have it.
- Thinking if I solved my problems, I would naturally have some fun.
- My unconscious mind was in searching mode for answers to all my struggles and rejected anything except searching.
Are You Too Serious?
Yes, I didn’t know I was in an all-consuming searching mode. Here are a few hints that you may be in such a mode:
- Do you see yourself as too serious, struggling to deal with your life’s challenges and rarely feel in control—sort of a driven feeling?
- Do you keep looking for the other shoe to drop?
- Are you surprised when you see people having fun and don’t want to join in or even find ways to dismiss what they’re doing?
- Taking everything personally is also a big red flag.
What to Do
So, what can you do if you find you are stressed a lot or go around in circles with similar issues plaguing you? Here are a few ideas to break that seriousness cycle:
- Listen more intently to your inner dialog and see if there are times you deny yourself cutting loose or feeling some excitement.
- Do something every day that makes you laugh. (Research has shown laughter builds your immune system.)
- Give yourself permission to be a flawed human who hasn’t solved every problem yet and rest occasionally.
- Challenge yourself—set a goal or intention—to bring laughter, pleasure, or amusement into your life. Do something funny every day.
You Will Know
You will know you have brought seriousness and pleasure into balance when you start to find joy, peace, and freedom in your daily activities, when you see others have a good time or be rewarded for their efforts and are happy for them, when you find self-care starts with loving yourself so much you stop, yes, just plain stop and soak in the world around you.
I will find you in that joy. Fun is best when shared.
