Do You Find Yourself in a Double Bind?
Fighting with Yourself
Ever feel like you are having a fight with yourself? Like two voices yelling, “I don’t want to do that,” and “I do want to do it!” Ever make a pros and cons list to silences those voices?
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a challenging situation with two family members or friends? You love them both, see both perspectives, and feel neither is totally right or wrong.
These are types of “double binds”. However, the type of double bind I want to explore is the one that goes much deeper into your psyche. This type of double bind comes from the compilation of our life experiences that have lead you to label yourself—rejected, hard luck, stupid, disorganized, weak, emotional, not to mention the positive ones such as spontaneous, creative, solution-finder, spontaneous, and smart.
How Labeling Yourself Can Create a Double-Bind
Chances are most of us have opposing labels. There was a woman I knew who had a difficult childhood and a violent marriage. She felt rejected and, yet, deeply wanted connection. Because of her history she didn’t trust people and often felt her life was chaotic. To deal with this double bind and all the discomfort in her life she distracted herself with becoming a problem-solver. When anything felt out of order, she was determined to bring into some type of resolution.
When you struggle with unconscious baggage—and most of our double binds are not conscious—the most common reaction is to find a way to soothe or distract. These double binds can be the underlying cause of addictions, obsessive behaviors, and ongoing emotional, mental, and relationship struggles.
The Way Out of a Double Bind
How does one find out if they are in a double bind and then how to let it go?
To find out if you are in a double bind, simply notice any time you aren’t happy, or life feels off and if it happens often. Plus, if you have any struggles with addictions, obsessive behaviors, ongoing emotional, mental, and relationships struggles I mentioned before.
The point is chances are most of us live in double binds. It is our nature to be caring and compassionate. It is also our nature to flourish and grow, leveling up in awareness and life skills.
If you suspect you have a double bind here are some suggestions on how to move out of it. Pick the one or ones that resonate with you and test them out.
- Recognize you have an inner detective that when put to work can research any area you want to learn about. When you run across something that resonates with you, chances are you’ve found information that will help you bring change into your life.
- Research and put together a personal solution-finding process for every time you feel off.
- Center your research on finding emotional strength and mental focus. These two areas are the foundation to change.
For more information and resources, check out my website at www.coraleekulman.com
